just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
