Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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