between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
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