I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
