So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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