gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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