Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
