i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
