I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
