Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
