Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
