I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and she was petting her beer can
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
