I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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