Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
