when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
