Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Are we still banned from the library?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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