i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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