I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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