How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I will be naked everywhere
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
