I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
