I am puke
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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