Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
