I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
