So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She bit a glass in half.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
