The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
