i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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