Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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