The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
