the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
