Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
