I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
