Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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