Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
