yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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