The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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