yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
