i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
