"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
