I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Boobs speak an international language.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
COCAINE IS GR8
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
