hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
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