You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
