We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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