Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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