I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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