I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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