I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
