It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
