just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
