Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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