It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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