no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
