To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
