Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
