I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
