guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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