those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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