He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
