Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
