I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
