that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
